Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
