I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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