my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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