just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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