I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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