Having a random hookup so left but love u
Your dad touched me again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
