we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
