new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
