I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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