I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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