i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
