we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
