As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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