dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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