Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
