I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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