I'm lost and stupid without you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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