i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
