I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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