that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
