grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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