The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
