dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
