so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
