I hate your face
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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