If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
