it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
