you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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