is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize