"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
