Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
