How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
