The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
