the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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