ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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