He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's paint friendship bongs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize