we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
