Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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