Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
