Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
