i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
