I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
