His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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