I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
