my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
