I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
