My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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