Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
