Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Boobs speak an international language.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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