it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize