It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
