I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
