Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
