could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
