I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
