I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
