at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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