Michael Bay diarrhea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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