ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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