she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
