Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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