so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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