Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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