im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
