Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
