Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
