I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And then he peed in my hair
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