i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
