I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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