so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
