Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
His nipple licking is glorious
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